Friday, December 5, 2014

A Love Like No Other

My Master let me go in late October of this year. However, just because He let me go does not mean I will stop updating my sessions with Him in writing. I will continue to blog here about my sessions with Him until I am finished.

I am taking this time to write because I need to get everything out. Ever since He let me go, a piece of my life, a piece of my heart is missing. Our sessions and our conversations playback in my head. I smile first, then I get teary-eyed and break down. I have been told that first Master relationships are intense. Our relationship was intense alright. For the six months I was with Him, it was the happiest, challenging, life-changing time of my life. Writing all this makes it sound like my first Master is dead; He's not, if anyone was assuming.

I have been searching for a new Master, and I have found one who I think is worthy, who I think is professional/serious enough, as well as caring and fair.

I do not want to let the memories, the training I acquired or my Master go. I don't want to let go of any of that. People have told me to move on, but I won't. I know I could if I really want too, but I don't want too. I'm afraid if I move on, I'll forget.

I miss my Master so much. He was the best relationship I had in my twenty years of life. The only man who I was truly ready to give my virginity too, and the only man I wrote poetry for.

He will always possess my heart, mind, body and soul till the day I die.

One thing I remember in the email that He wrote when He let me go was "Don't let me down. Stay strong." - regarding me cutting myself. I haven't self-harmed since March 16, 2014. The loss of me being a submissive to him makes the urge grow. But I still haven't cut because of what He wrote. I don't want to let Him down, and I don't want to disappoint Him. I just want Him to be proud of me. It will be nine months on December 16, 2014 that I will have been clean.

Also, if anyone can crack this let me know. He said he would keep in touch, which he did for a few weeks, but after I rejoined to find a Master, I haven't heard from him. Did I do something?

Master J, if you're reading this, you're in my thoughts, my dreams and in my heart. I miss you.


At December 5, 2014 at 8:13 PM , Blogger little girl said...

Oh wow! I'm so sorry to hear this. But I am glad to see you are trying to move forward. I think the only reason he stopped contacting you, is so that you truly could do just that...move on. When the feelings are that strong, it makes it harder to let go. I wish you the best of luck in finding someone new. Please be careful...I know you will be thoughtful and careful in who you chose but just had to throw that out there:)

At January 24, 2015 at 4:39 AM , Blogger Florida Dom said...

Can you let us know how you are doing? I hope things are going well for you. Sorry about what happened.



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