A Love Like No Other
My Master let me go in late October of this year. However, just because He let me go does not mean I will stop updating my sessions with Him in writing. I will continue to blog here about my sessions with Him until I am finished.
I am taking this time to write because I need to get everything out. Ever since He let me go, a piece of my life, a piece of my heart is missing. Our sessions and our conversations playback in my head. I smile first, then I get teary-eyed and break down. I have been told that first Master relationships are intense. Our relationship was intense alright. For the six months I was with Him, it was the happiest, challenging, life-changing time of my life. Writing all this makes it sound like my first Master is dead; He's not, if anyone was assuming.
I have been searching for a new Master, and I have found one who I think is worthy, who I think is professional/serious enough, as well as caring and fair.
I do not want to let the memories, the training I acquired or my Master go. I don't want to let go of any of that. People have told me to move on, but I won't. I know I could if I really want too, but I don't want too. I'm afraid if I move on, I'll forget.
I miss my Master so much. He was the best relationship I had in my twenty years of life. The only man who I was truly ready to give my virginity too, and the only man I wrote poetry for.
He will always possess my heart, mind, body and soul till the day I die.
One thing I remember in the email that He wrote when He let me go was "Don't let me down. Stay strong." - regarding me cutting myself. I haven't self-harmed since March 16, 2014. The loss of me being a submissive to him makes the urge grow. But I still haven't cut because of what He wrote. I don't want to let Him down, and I don't want to disappoint Him. I just want Him to be proud of me. It will be nine months on December 16, 2014 that I will have been clean.
Also, if anyone can crack this let me know. He said he would keep in touch, which he did for a few weeks, but after I rejoined Alt.com to find a Master, I haven't heard from him. Did I do something?
Master J, if you're reading this, you're in my thoughts, my dreams and in my heart. I miss you.